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Saturday, January 2, 2010

Strength and Bravery

The first few years after I got sick, people would tell me how I was so "strong" and so "brave".
Well, I don't think the word brave applies to illness. Brave is something that you don't have to do, but you do it to help someone else. Like pull a child out of a burning building. That is brave. I don't have a choice to be sick. I am not brave, I am surviving.
Second, I think I am losing my strength. I am just so tired and have so much pain I just can't seem to care about much. It is so much harder to put on my happy face and pretend everything is okay.
I think it is like one of those houses built on stilts. The hurricane comes and the waves pound at it, and the stilts and support beams get weaker and weaker. Then all it takes in one tiny little raindrop in the right spot to hit the house and the whole thing comes crashing down.
Perhaps the stupid never ending sinus infections are my raindrop?

wishing you strength and bravery,


  1. Your little brother will help hold the umbrella... i will bring the kids over to wear you out, wait, i mean i will bring my wife and kids over to stiffen your resolve.

  2. I'll have to disagree with you on the brave part. I think you're being hard on yourself because I *do* think you're brave. And Gregory, too. Life isn't easy for either of you and it takes courage to face some of the things you have to face. You might not have a choice in the matter but it still takes courage. I'm wishing YOU strength right now. It's crap that you've felt sick for so long. Lots of love and positive thoughts sent your way!

    And by the way, you're one of the people I was talking about in my blog. That are completely themselves? I admire you. :)

  3. I agree with Julie. You are strong and brave cause anyone else, besides you or tough Greg, would have crumbled years ago!
    For real. Me included.
    Love ya regardless of your fadingness